Frequent contact with newcomers, and with each other, is the bright spot of our newfound lives. I tend to hide the memory of past transgressions under the ever-handy umbrella of “Didn’t https://ecosoberhouse.com/ do it if I don’t remember”. Since I spent years in a boozy haze all sorts of hurts were ignored. This tends to result in enhanced relationships and repairing ones that were injured.

While we might apologize later for missing the party, our apology consists of words rather than actions or changed behavior. And those words ring hollow when we repeatedly break our promises. Of course, there are many other books and resources available on the 12-step program, and what works best for one person may not work for another. It can be helpful to explore different options and find what resonates with you personally. The Big Book also outlines the 12 AA principles, which are single words encompassing the virtues needed to pass each step.

A Study of Step 12 of the 12-Step Program

Rather, you need to make a more concrete and serious effort to express that you know what wrongs you have done, and that you have changed, and want to make things right. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Rabbi Taub breaks them living amends down in six words, and answers the question, “What do the twelve steps of AA mean? The beauty and eloquence of AA Step 12 is part of many promises of working the A.A. Life really does take on new meaning when watching people recover, seeing them help others, and watching loneliness vanish.

Completing Step 9 is the next step forward in recovery, regardless of how the other person responds. For example, someone living with an addiction may make amends by apologizing for stealing property and then make it right by returning what they’d taken. It is important, during this process, that you understand that a simple apology is not enough to undo the damage you have done.

The Value of the Principles of AA

Many people suffering from alcoholism continue to find success in recovery by participating in AA’s program. In the simplest terms, “amends” are defined as “compensation for loss or injury.” This means that you’re being asked to compensate the people you’ve hurt as a result of your addiction. Direct amends refers to going directly to the wronged individual, apologizing and taking whatever action is necessary to correct a situation. If an individual damaged someone else’s home while they were under the influence of drugs or alcohol, direct amends may require that they go to the property owner, apologize and repair damages.

• It gives me chills every time I read that, because after that moment, Bill never took another drink.
• The other person may hear the same statement as exasperation with them or a minimizing of the ways you’ve hurt them.
• This virtue is easy to understand when it comes to practicing it on a daily basis.

An example would be telling someone how sorry you are that you stole from them and actually giving back what you took. Step 11 is about moving forward without losing track of a higher power. The continued awareness this demands makes it easy to pair the step with its accompanying principle. Step 5 is about taking the moral inventory made in step 4 and admitting first to God, next to yourself, and last to another person.

Recovery Coaching

Before approaching Step 9, you need to complete the inventory in Step 8. This is a list of all of the people in your life whom you believe you have harmed. It can be a challenging list to write, even for those who want to embrace forgiveness and inner peace—but the list is important. It represents many of the feelings and struggles you’ve had. By working through the list in Step 9 and making amends to each person named there, you will restore a piece of yourself with each conversation.

For years he had been drinking and she started later in my life, so I also blamed his actions for making her drink. How blessed we are to become free from our past, and given the gift to help free another. If the act of making amends will open old wounds or create new harm, then making direct amends should be avoided. This step does carry a condition—except when to do so would injure them or others. The benefit of making amends to the recovering person does not outweigh the need to do any more harm. “Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”